How To Save A Marriage In Therapy

Where do most couples end up when their marriage starts to fall apart? For the most part it is couples therapy or counseling of some nature, right? When neither person wants to let go but they do not know how to fix their issues, then they turn to an objective third party to show them the way. The question is whether counseling can actually save a marriage.

Before you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it is not the definite cure to all of your problems. You cannot hire someone else to do the dirty work and make things all better, no matter how skilled they may be.

Yet, counseling or therapy can really work if both of you go into it with the right mindset. The problem is that most go into it with the attitude that this third party will see that they are right and their spouse is wrong. They want validation, not objectivity.

This is not what a therapist is there to do. They are not going to take sides, mainly because there is no one person who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some things they are doing wrong and some things they are doing completely right.

Marital problems are always deeper than someone not taking out the trash or constantly being late for dates. What the therapist wants to do is get beneath all the squabbling and figure out what is really driving all the unhappiness and ultimately wrecking your relationship.

If you don’t fix the deeper issues the marriage will only continue to unravel.

In order to get to the bigger problems you have to go into counseling without the idea that someone is right and the other wrong. You have to be willing to just listen to your spouse without assuming what their words mean for you personally.

For example, instead of getting defensive that she says she feels lonely and screaming that you have to work so it’s not your fault; just listen. Don’t translate it to mean anything about you. She is lonely. That is all.

In order to save a marriage with the help of therapy, this husband would have to be willing to quietly listen to his wife talk about the loneliness without automatically assuming it is directed as an assault on him. He has to listen selflessly for it to work.

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